One of the indications that a screenwriter has been living in Hollywood too long is when he start writing stories in which gorgeous, intelligent women fall in love with homely, chauvinist trolls like Rob Schneider and David Spade.

In a city where real-life Barbie dolls are only one phone call to Heidi Fleiss away for anyone who can afford them, such plots stop seeming so fantastic after a while, which is how we get movies like "Lost & Found," in which 98-pound pig Spade bagged French beauty Sofie Marceau, and this week's "Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo."

Rob Schneider, late of "Saturday Night Live," is laughably cast as a romantic lead -- and a male prostitute -- in this occasionally funny fantasy for the "Beavis and Butthead" set.

Schneider plays a minimum wage fish tank cleaner who gladly agrees to house-sit for a wealthy gigolo, then accidentally destroys his $6,000 custom aquarium and spends the rest of the movie trying to scrounge the cash to replace it before the stud-for-hire gets home and puts a hurt on him.

His solution? Substitute prostitution -- as if any woman paying for sex would still be in the mood after finding this creep on her doorstep.

Of course, that's part of the joke. But to make it work at all, Deuce has to be paired with desperate freaks of nature, which is the other part of the joke.

Deuce becomes a "man-ho" and hooks up with a "man-pimp," played by Eddie Griffin, who pairs him with a parade of physically and/or physiologically challenged sex clients. For chuckles and whoops, the movie depends heavily on making fun of fat women, tall women, the blind, narcolepsy, amputees and victims of Tourette's Syndrome.

I'll ashamedly get off my high horse for a second to say that the Tourette's gags (the only fresh laughs in the movie) had me rolling. Deuce takes this date (Amy Poehler from Comedy Central's "Upright Citizens' Brigade") to a baseball game, where her tics and compulsive swearing make her a hit in the stands.

But the rest of the ailment and appearance bashing isn't half as funny as Schneider (who co-wrote the script) thinks it is, especially since this same belittling sense of humor is never applied to him. None of these women reject him, even though they're hardly getting what they paid for. Deuce even weasels his way out of sex with all of them except the cute girl with the wooden leg (Arija Bareikis, "The Myth of Fingerprints") -- who is actually attracted to him for some inexplicable reason (enter the romantic storyline).

If you don't ask yourself why Griffin would pimp a dog like Schneider, if you ignore the fact that a girl like Bareikis could find a better guy even with a wooden leg and a wooden nose, if pretend you don't notice the extraneous subplot about a jealous vice cop (William Forsythe) and dismiss the realization that Schneider is a bad actor who gets even worse when called on to display his "sensitive" side -- then the puerile humor of "Deuce Bigalow" is good for the odd chuckle.

But even if you're tempted to see the movie, remember this: If "Deuce Bigalow" makes money, it may mean more Rob Schneider movies, and do you really want that on your conscience?