The best movies NOBODY SAW:
"WALKING AND TALKING"
"FREEWAY"
"THE TRIGGER EFFECT"
"INFINITY"
"MOTHER NIGHT"


ROOKIES of the year:
RENEE ZELLWEGER in
"Jerry Maguire", "The Whole Wide World"
&
EDWARD NORTON in
"Primal Fear", "...Larry Flynt",
"Everyone Says I Love You"


Stock going UP:
GWYNETH PALTROW
thanks to "Emma"
MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY
thanks to "A Time to Kill"


Best REVIVAL:
"BARBARELLA"


Best FUN DATE movies:
"EMMA"
"TIN CUP"


Best SERIOUS DATE movie:
"BREAKING THE WAVES"
If he doesn't tear up at this movie, check for a pulse


Most ROMANTIC movie:
"THE ENGLISH PATIENT"


GUY MOVIE girls would like:
"THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT"


GIRL MOVIE guys would like:
"WALKING AND TALKING"


Movie guys DON'T WANT GIRLS to see:
"SWINGERS"


COULDA BEEN but wasn't:
"MULLHOLLAND FALLS" (paint-by-numbers noir)
"ONE FINE DAY" (ruined by music video montages)


Biggest EGO VEHICLES:
"LOOKING FOR RICHARD" (Pacino)
"The MIRROR HAS TWO FACES" (Streisand)
"FROM DUSK TILL DAWN" (Tarantino)
"EVITA" (Madonna)
"HAMLET" (Branagh)


WAY overrated:
"INDEPENDENCE DAY"
"The BIRDCAGE"
"The FIRST WIVES CLUB"


Way UNDERRATED:
"THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT"
"BOGUS"
"COLD COMFORT FARM"
"ANGELS & INSECTS"

Best BAD movie:
"ESCAPE FROM L.A."


Private little DISASTERS:
RICKI LAKE in "Mrs. Winterbourne"
JACK LEMMON in "Hamlet"


You're not bad, but GIVE IT A REST:
VAL KILMER
ROBIN WILLIAMS
WHOOPI GOLDBERG
SHARON STONE


If only there were still a BLACKLIST:
DEMI MOORE
CHRIS FARLEY


Most in need of a NEW AGENT:
GENE HACKMAN
ALEC BALDWIN


Take it DOWN A NOTCH:
NATHAN LANE in "The Birdcage"
JOHN LEGUIZAMO in "Romeo & Juliet"
BILL PULLMAN in "Independence Day"
GLENN CLOSE in "101 Dalmatians"


Worst CAMEO:
IVANA TRUMP in "The First Wives Club"


Obviously having WAY too much fun:
TIM CURRY in "Muppet Treasure Island"


Biggest MISTAKES:
"hunch" the cute kiddie cartoon?
Letting Jennifer Jason Leigh off her leash
in "Kansas City"


BAD TV MOVIE slipped into the multiplex:
"EYE FOR AN EYE"


Best use of
KNICKKNACKS from Radio Shack:
Chuck Sheen building a radio telescope from his
neighbors' satellite dishes in "The Arrival"


Worst use of
KNICKKNACKS from Radio Shack:
The animatronic ape in "Ed"


Biggest moment of
COLLECTIVE AUDIENCE "HUH?":
Tom Cruise explains how he figured it out
in "Mission: Impossible"


Best ATTEMPTS TO SAVE a bad movie:
NICOLE KIDMAN in "The Portrait of a Lady"
JOHN TRAVOLTA in "Michael"
SEAN CONNERY in "Dragonheart"


Bad movies CASHING IN
on "Dead Man Walking":
"LAST DANCE"
"The CHAMBER"