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In an ideal world, this is how the 1999 Oscars would shake out
It's March 26, 2000, and in a bloodless coup d'état, your not-so-humble critic has overthrown the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. The Oscar telecast has begun, and after popping Billy Crystal with a tranquilizer dart, it's time to begin handing out Academy Awards to the movies, filmmakers and actors that really deserve them!
Evil minions, hold back the rabid studio heads! Here we go:
"Run Lola Run"
Spike Jonze, "Being John Malkovich"
Kevin Spacey, "American Beauty"
Runner up: Denzel Washington, "The Hurricane"
Reese Witherspoon, "Election"
Runners up:
Hilary Swank, "Boys Don't Cry"
Jessica Lange, "Titus"
Haley Joel Osment, "The Sixth Sense"
Runner up: John Malkovich, "Being John Malkovich"
Jean Smart, "Guinevere"
Runners up:
Vanessa Redgrave, "Cradle Will Rock"
Thora Birch, "American Beauty"
"Being John Malkovich," Charlie Kaufman
"The Iron Giant," Brad Bird
Runner up: "Election," Alexander Payne
"Run Lola Run"
Runners up:
"Bringing Out the Dead"
"Fight Club"
"Titus"
"Titus"
Runners up:
"Snow Falling On Cedars"
"Bringing Out the Dead"
"The Insider"
Ann Roth & Gary Jones, "The Talented Mr. Ripley"
"Sleepy Hollow"
"Open Your Eyes"
(since "Lola" was my Best Picture)
Missed too many for a legit pick, but "American Movie" was fantastic.
"The Matrix"
"Any Given Sunday"
BEST SOUND EFFECTS EDITING
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"The Phantom Menace"
Gabriel Yared, "Talented Mr. Ripley"
BEST MUSICAL/COMEDY SCORE
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John Powell, "Forces of Nature"
"Uncle F**ker," "South Park"
Normally I ignore this category, because, frankly, it's a bunch of nonsense that has nothing to do with movies. But this ditty is such a masterfully fun combo of irreverence and maddening catchiness that, like it or not, everyone who saw this movie caught themselves humming it for days afterwards.
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