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(SPLICEDwire used to be called Movieolla)
Some years ago, a few television producers realized that awards shows are cash cows. Big stars will show up if they know they're going to win, big stars draw big ratings, and big ratings draw big advertisers with big bucks to burn on their silly little ceremonies.
Now that everyone from MTV to Blockbuster Video are in the awards racket, it's become almost impossible to take any of these awards seriously. So I figured, why not toss out a few of my own in categories that are a little more fun? What were the weirdest sex scenes in 1997? What were the best movies nobody saw? Who made movies just to stroke their egos?
Thus, the 1997 Movieolla Awards, at least as useless and twice as honest as anything those jerks can make up:
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(SPLICEDwire used to be called Movieolla)
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Gimmicks BEATEN TO DEATH:
PUT UPON WORKING CLASS BRITS, ala "The Van," "The Full Monty" & "Brassed Off"
CREEP & KILLER heroes, ala "Larry Flynt...," "Grosse Pointe Blank," "Donnie Brasco" & "Kissed"
BUGS, ala "Mimic," "Starship Troopers," "Joe's Apartment" & "Men in Black"
INCEST, ala "The House of Yes," "The Sweet Hereafter," "U-Turn" & "A Thousand Acres"
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James Spader & Deborah Kara Unger
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WEIRDEST SEX Scenes:
MOLLY PARKER & A PASSIVE STIFF in "Kissed"
MARK WAHLBERG & HIMSELF in "Boogie Nights"
JAMES SPADER & EVERYBODY in "Crash"
BIG DUH Award:
Why didn't the lava flow down the side streets in "VOLCANO"?
IRONIC DIALOGUE award:
A monosyllabic lackey repeating "BOMB...BOMB...BOMB..." in "Batman & Robin"
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